AH.

sometimes i wonder if i made the right decision. because i miss the smell of chlorine. i miss my tanned skin. i miss my goggle marks. i miss being able to run so much faster than everyone else when we played catching. i miss trashing everyone during 1.6(when we used to have 1.6). i never have any time for that anymore. im not saying i dont like this. but i find this is too physically undemanding. and we have long periods of not doing anything. and the classroom is super cold. even though i have my jacket. i just like that even more. i want to change.

but, if i change, they wouldnt accept me even more than before. before, no one talked to me. i admit, i was a slacker before. but i trained hard most of the time. and just because i wasnt as fast as them. even though i did win a prize. barely. by 0.01 second. but they still ignored me much after that dint they. i guess i was never one of their kind.

imagine if i go back now. i hate rude stares and glares. they make me feel queasy inside. i hate the feeling. well, if they dint stare at me, well, they would most probably just ignore me wouldn't they. and none of my friends are in that. i wouldn't be able to take one session like that would i. i hate being ignored. i hate it. and i feel lousy when im the slowest. even though i know its my fault. somehow i feel i chose the wrong decision.

and if i change, well, the prople in this wouldnt like me a lot, would they. they also ignore me when they see me. even when i say hi to them. they just walk past, as if i wasnt there. i dont want to stay in this anymore. i think its crap. not this. i mean, staying in something which is of no interest to me. thats crap.

i want to go back. i really want to. but i wouldnt be more accepted than i am now would i. i tihnk i want to go back. i know i want to go back. at least if i go back, i'll have someone to train with. and then she wouldnt call me a loser anymore. yes. i think i shall.

well you probably know who i am right?