my brain hasnt been able to focus all weekend since i got back from FPS yesterday. i think it was at its limit during math. last night i was so tired i fell asleep immediately when i got into bed. and today i havent done any homework. none at all. shoot lah. at this rate, i'm not going to be able to start on history PT, much less finish it. thank goodness only geog is due tomorrow. and i have no idea how to do that. and history is due on wednesday. and chinese compo is due on tuesday. and english compo is due on friday. and history PT is due 2 weekends later. grah how come i can remember all this without writing it down and i cant remember anything about rivers or monsooons or anything. =/ maybe i'm using my memory for the wrong things.

and i'm confused. i'm not sure if i really want to join swimming in sec 2 anymore. because i enjoy the "swimming" part, but not the "make friends in swimming" part. because most people in SSC dont like me, and i dont like them either. and if i have to train with them for 3, 4 or 5 times a week, i dont think i would enjoy it all that much. would i? i doubt it. maybe its because no one my age is around my speed. and in my schooool. i happen to be the only sec 1 from SSC who's in RG. and i'm not even in the swim team. wth. that's probably the older swimmers' reaction. but i'm not fast enough to even get into the finals competing against sec 2s so they wouldnt really care.

meanwhile in guitar, as much as i dislike lugging a heavy piece of wood to school every week and then lugging it back, i enjoy the time i spend in guitar. i enjoy laughing and joking with my friends. but i cannot find my passion for it. like i said, my passion lies in swimming, not anything else.

thus i made up a list of why i should swimming and why i should not join swimming. and now i'm even more confused than ever. because the pros and cons of joining swimming were evenly matched. GRAH.

see right. i wasted an entire afternoon being confused. a case of lost identity? perhaps, but i think not. more like a case of procrastination. i played tons of solitaire too. whatever hapened to all my self discipline.. probably went down the drain just as i threw away the opportunity to continue training. others ask me why i quit swimming in the first place. i have no idea why either.

>.<