i swear i'm gonna drown myself in math.

it's always these things that you think will happen to someone else but not to you. unfortunately, as a favourite cartoon character of mine once wisely put, we're all someone else to someone else.

it's escalating. it still is.

sometimes i wonder if they don't think they're being rather selfish. i don't want to move. then it comes to me that i might be selfish by deciding i don't want to move. and i decide to forget about the whole thing. but it's kind of difficult because she's constantly complaining about it.

hence i come to a conclusion that i'll move not because i want to move, but because i am filial. and that she's being selfish by not having our interests at heart. i mean, none of us wants to move. and why can't you just come to terms with her. stubborn, so very much!

family has now been placed at high importance. it never took up so much thinking space in my head. i guess i just took it for granted. and now it's all falling apart. don't get me wrong. i still love my dad and my brothers. and my cousins are all really cool. my relatives are mostly wonderful people. it's just two particular people with whom i can't identify my emotions. such a shame. i'm just thankful they don't sue each other.

at least it hasn't come to a stage where i'm given the choice to take sides. my choice of sides is given and guaranteed. my opinion doesn't really matter, does it.

i guess not.

and she wonders why i don't tell her anything.